What patriarchy isn't: my message to all women




The massive global eruption of the feminist movement is perfectly understandable; society is originally and by default conservative and patriarchal, hence, the imperative for counter-narratives in a world which can now best be described as progressive. Some have argued that feminism would remain more idealistic than realistic until 'progressive' men actively join the campaign. However, this begs the question, "are the vast majority of powerful men simply resisting contemporary realities or are women not just willing to embrace contemporary realities?" The latter would most likely be the case.

Look around you, men dominate the world in politics, education, business and economy, technology, sports etc. So it's factually logical to conclude that it is a man's world. However, fact and logic may disappoint you if you try to show that these things continue to be the case because Men continue to dominate by suppression of women.

Though the big money bosses are still men, the only area where it seems women have a nearly commensurate level of influence and attention is in the entertainment industry. But then, a good number of them rose to the hall of fame not necessarily because of society's appreciation of their ingenuity, but because they were paid well enough to either show or shake bums, much to the excitement and consequential patronage of the 'same men'. Mia Khalifa for instance may have left the porn industry but years after, she is still a celebrity for her pornographic exploits. Amazingly, she has plenty female fans who are probably aspiring to be as famous in much the same way.

I've countlessly seen both upcoming and popular male musicians sexually objectify women by using their sexiness as bait for massive patronage. I have also seen female celebrities like Nikki Minaj and Beyonce use seemingly nude men in their music videos, but then, it's in a reverse perspective. When the men use nude women (often in their hundreds) for their music videos, all they portray is ' I'm rich enough to have all the ladies and have all the sex and when I want it'. For masculine fans, watching hundreds of women display and shake bums is at least psychologically satisfactory. However, when famous female artists use nude men in their music videos, men are not portrayed as objects of sexual satisfaction, instead they are portrayed as pillars of strength and succor. This explains why they often use very macho black men and you often see them lean on him or being lifted by him, further demonstrating their subservience or dependence on men even with all their money, influence and fame. Obviously, it's a mindset thing, even when they are richer, men just have to be portrayed as stronger.

The fight against female genital mutilation in most parts of Sub- Saharan Africa is protracted, not so much because men insist on that practice, but because mothers (who were of course mutilated by their mums) insist on having daughters who are not given to promiscuity. History cannot deny the fact that women are agents of transformation, but that's when they decide to.

It then suffices to say that a patriarchal society is not necessarily a society where men derive pleasure in systematic subjugation of women, rather it is a society where majority of women are more comfortable being on the background than on stage.

While female athletes generally have terrible global attention and funding, the game of tennis stands out as the only sport where women enjoy as much attention and influence as men. Do you know why? It's because the women in Tennis are bent on proving themselves as good, if not better than their male counterparts. They refuse every chivalric consideration and concession and they do it as hard and as professionally as men do it. I'll always remember Serena Williams as much as I remember Roger Federer.


The average lady has no interest in politics, doesn't dream of becoming the richest person in the world or topping 'Forbes list' list in mixed categories. At best, they want to become celebrities in the fashion or entertainment industry which in many cases requires their body and not their intellectual ingenuity. What is largely absent though is the 'revolutionary mindset' needed to overcome the crass complacence that comes with just being rich or successful enough.

Eleanor Roosevelt, Oprah Winfrey, Chimamanda Adichie, Marie Curie, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala etc. Are examples of women who either bypassed racial or social stereotypes or both to impact the world and are idols even to men. They weren't just comfortable with just looking attractive to their hubby, they knew they have what it takes to attract the world and they must not be President to achieve that. Men need women as much, not in bed but even in politics.

Both men and women are critical thinkers, but women have an edge which is that they are naturally more intuitive. Intuition would succeed where intelligence fails. Women relevance can never be achieved by affirmative action ( debaters know just have flawed it is), it can only be achieved when women decide to be societally woke, not just woke, but impactful.

I'm not a feminist, I just understand that we all need each other and that the world would be better if we had the nicest bit of women. It's not a man's world, it's a world for the man and the woman!
Make up your mind to become the best woman you can be!



 Ezeme Kingsley Chukwuebuka
Kingynelsy@gmail.com

Comments

Unknown said…
Exactly. Understanding the difference between equity and equality would help reduce this nonsense
C.E.Charles said…
This is what these “equality-clamoring" should rather be about. Great piece!
Unknown said…
nice piece..
Unknown said…
Honestly this piece was rather disappointing, I honestly expected a better expose. This article so carefully and subtly attacked the sexuality of women and it's terribly wrong. It is was rather convenient that you used Mia Khalifa as your case study.PORN STARS ARE NOT THE ONLY FEMINISTS AND NEITHER SHOULD WHAT THEY CHOOSE TO DO WITH THEIR BODIES BE ANY OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS!.I don't see you calling out male porn stars. You obviously do not think highly of women in entertainment but will applaud women like Serena Williams whom you feel they have career paths which appeal to you and deserve your respect. This is insulting and unfair to these women who actually have to work hard for their money and fame. Women actually have to strife through an instituted system of patriachy and even though you clearly try to underplay the effects of patriachy in your article, patriachy sadly does EXIST!. This sort of dumb generalisations are just enough proof of the existence of patriachy. This article is a string of social stereotypes that are so horridly flawed about the minds and goals of women!. Women are not lollygaggers,everyday more and more women conquer one more rung on a ladder of success so laden with huddles,women work hard and actually hold leadership positions in various spheres and have to work 10 times a hard as a man to matter as much in the same environment!. This article is a sad representation of women and the feminist movement. Women don't just WANT TO LOOK GOOD FOR THEIR HUSBAND! I'm a woman and i have dreams and goals and I "don't just show or shake my butt to be recognised". Peace! #Chuchi
@ Chidera Achor, I sincerely appreciate your dissenting view. However it's a product of a core misunderstanding of the intents and connotations to the post.

1. it wasn't an attack on women's sexuality, simply saying that a greater majority of women should look to influencing society outside their sexuality.

2. I never said porn stars are feminist and I don't think they can be. feminism has never been about sexuality and no crazy feminist would think acting more porn is a step towards achieving equality and equity for all sexes.

3. The mention of Mia Khalifa is simply to imply that women can be as popular in many other ways outside exploring their sexuality. It was never a selective moral policing that privileges male porn stars.

4. I don't think lowly of women in entertainment. First I concede they are influential there, but secondly, the truth which pains you, in many cases their sexuality is not unconnected to it. That explains why men like Harvey Weinstein thrived that long. It's arguable.

5. If you read well, the post completely Concedes and never downplays the existence of patriarchy but goes further to tie it's eradication to the cooperation of women.

6. And the fact that you don't concede to the mindset problem affecting majority of women (even though I concede some are unaffected) just shows how much you are unconnected with the daily feminine realities despite being one.

Finally, I'm glad you have great goals but the post is intended at getting more women to move beyond societies inflicted mental complacence and think and plan like you.

I do hope you now understand better. I really do appreciate your comments and that of everyone and would expect subsequent gestures from you all.🙌
Edna speaks said…
This post is a string of hasty generalisations hinged on instances that prove learned patriarchal mindsets are the problem.

A woman shouldn't have to conform to your Serena Williams or Chimamanda idols for the feminist movement to work. The entire essence of feminism frowns at that, the concept is simply, If a woman wants to be sexual like Trey Songs or Chris Brown, she should be allowed to, if she wants to be intellectual like Elon Musk or Wole Soyinka she should be allowed to as well. Without judgement as we do men. The underlying principle is choice.

The fact that your post limits the choices of what women should use to achieve the feminist goal of equal CHOICES for both men and women reinforces patriarchy that feminism rejects.

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