Getting into the right relationship; leaving the wrong ones

You don't need a psychic or prophet to predict your future, the simplest most accurate independent predictor of your future is the company you keep.  Whether you notice it or not, the relationships you keep subconsciously influence your actions and your perceptions about life, and that's why it's no surprise that most friends are 'birds of a feather'.

I disagree with people who claim being nice extends to opening up ourselves for friendship with everyone; everybody doesn't deserve to be your friend and you shouldn't be apologetic about it. Don't make friends, choose friends. Don't allow friends to choose you, choose the friends you will keep. This simply means that even when someone is coming close enough to become your friend, you should be proactive enough to evaluate that person as a way of ascertaining the prospects of that friendship. The basis of such evaluations is what this article will explore.

Additionally, some relationships have expiry date. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some persons are stuck in toxic relationships that have ended five years ago, and all because of petty sentiments. Relationships are like elevators, they either bring you up or they take you down; the choice is yours. Here are some tips to bring you up:

1. Choose friends who are higher or ahead of you: It's normal to feel comfy around people who are like you and at your level, but it's also counterproductive. You have to move out of your comfort zone and 'hunt' for friends who have an edge over you, especially in your chosen field. This widens your mind and opens you up to greater possibilities. It's funny how most persons who aspire to become billionaires are ONLY surrounded by friends who are as broke as hell lol.

2. Choose friends who will challenge you: Have you ever met someone who made you look like a local champion? Have you ever met someone whose achievement and his/her age made you feel like you've been useless? Have you ever met someone your age or younger, yet you aspire to become like them when you grow up? Have you ever met Someone who made you feel lazy even though you had thought yourself of being hardworking? Ever met someone who made you feel like you don’t know God? If you have ever met someone like that, congratulations, you just met your friend. The greatest enemy of progress is not enemies, but complacency.

3. Choose friends who believe in you: We all have our ups and downs, we all get to that point where life brings our morale down. At those moments, you are left with friends to confide in, you don't need a pessimist around, you need someone who believes in you. Everyone wants someone who believes in them (even if they don't know it) and everyone would do better around people who believe in them. In life, constant motivation is key. If you can find people who believe in your destiny and future, become their friend, in fact marry them if you can lol.

4. Choose friends who are strong where you are weak: Balance is a necessary spice of life and it’s most important in relationships. While an undergraduate, I noticed something funny; I'd usually see a group of three friends and all of them probably don't know math or three friends who either all have an 'F' or a 'D' at the same time. I usually thought within me, "What in heaven’s name are they doing together." If you are terrible at savings, find someone who can save to annoyance. If you are not into academic books like me; find a bookworm. Don't say I just encouraged you not to study, I still graduated top of my class. You can make friends with people who have similar strengths but never similar weaknesses. It's always a bad idea.

5. Choose friends who have similar values: Whether they are religious, social, financial, intellectual values etc. Don't get so close to people who don't share your values. They can either corrupt you, or make you compromise your standards. For instance, if you believe in God and chastity, stay close to people who do. If you are not infected by the 'get-rich-quick syndrome', avoid those who are infected. If you believe in faithfulness to one spouse, avoid the 'players' etc. Your values form who you are and you shouldn't joke with it.

6. Choose friends who have a thirst for knowledge: you start getting old the day you stop learning new things. Everyone who has an edge over you has a knowledge you don't have, even if that knowledge is a political connection. Avoid people who are almost always given to frivolities and social banters. Stay around people who are knowledge hungry, people who leave you mentally refreshed whenever you meet and discuss with them and challenge you to learn more.

7. Choose friends who are "get-it" people: Humour and relaxation is very good, however if all a friend can offer is some tips for relaxation, and information about how not to get so stressed up, then you are in a terrible relationship. I'm a funny person, I joke a lot but I'm a goal addict. With all my humour, a girlfriend once asked me if I have time to relax, laugh and not do any job lol. Stay around people who make you feel like you are dull and that you sleep too much. Keep friends who can keep you focused on one goal every second, every minute, every week, every month and every year. It's good for your Self-worth.

8. Choose friends who have similar goals and interests: Friends who share similar goals with you are 'purpose-partners'. You need them because they will encourage you and give you both financial, psychological and emotional support. Friends who have similar interests with you are good for fun. You can go for outings, watch football or play video games together, travel etc. You need fun and relaxation too, and it's easier if you have friends who share similar interests with you.

Finally, the Bible advised in Proverbs 27:17 "iron sharpens iron, and so does a man sharpen the countenance of his friends." The key thing there is that friendship should make you better or be beneficial, at least in one way. If you're friends with someone because you believe they will end up your spouse, it's still good enough reason. Tell yourself the truth, leave relationships that don't help you.

Note that most times, people who will help you may not care about you or desire to be friends with you. However, you can make that friendship happen. There is such a thing as pursuing friendship. Just make sure you appear genuine and not desperate.

Hey, before you go looking for friends, first BECOME THAT FRIEND SOMEONE IS LOOKING FOR.

Ezeme Kingsley C.

Kingynelsy@gmail.com